Why am i getting into xanga again? its so weird....

Anyway...Im really burned out. I'm so stressed i slept for ONE HOUR last night. Im skipping classes so I dont die today. And im lying to get out of work...and Ive never done that.
I think the reason that Im mostly burned out is because I always work...and never have much time to just do nothing. And after fall break...i will be going right back to the same schedule. Nothing will change. Maybe i'll quit and go back to being a prostitue. I made more money.

I miss my Princess Consuela. Dang it.

And I need to stop taking so many medicines...I think im high right now. shh.

I hardly ever use xanga anymore, so I don't have to worry about people reading it that I dont want to, cause no one does.
I am just so frustrated today. With everything...
Chapel was amazing. I think I'm going to listen to The Fray non-stop for days. Strangely, It killed me when he sang "How to Save a Life." I hardly knew Joe. It's still so hard when one day, you say hi to someone, joke with them, laugh it off, and say 'see ya later' and then....they die. It's confusing. Deep down, I think I believe that I'm invincible, that nothing could really hurt me. And the way I deal with my feelings shows that...but dealing with the physical, I just never comprehended that life is so short. And it makes me think about one of my good friends from high school who died. Its hard. How do you deal with that? I just don't want to deal with it. I dont think i know how....
Another thing I've been thinking about....why are people so judgemental? I mean...heaven forbid someone not be perfect. Is there anything wrong with being 'in process'? I like who I am. I like my personality. I don't want to change. I won't. My heart needs to change....and thats something that God is working on. But honestly, does it mean Im a 'bad christian' when I cuss....or get angry.....or deal with a problem wrong....or laugh about something dirty (but completely true haha)....I really don't think so. God does not put so many limits on us...then why as Christians...do we do it to eachother. I know that I do it too...and I get so frustrated with myself. I wish I could just accept someone without any reservations. It's so hard. There's just so many thoughts running thru my head...
I'm also learning alot about friendship....TRUE friendship. And that it is so hard....to work up to the point where problems are a minor bump in the road. The first problem always cuts so deep and the way in which its dealt....can determine the rest of the friendship. I am so grateful for my friends, and how gracious they are with me and growing along side of me. Some friends I hardly fight with ever because we are so similar, and then others, a problem comes up every week or so...but how we deal with it always makes us closer. I think the core of relationships really is forgiveness....didnt Jesus already try to convince us of that? Why do I never listen...
Sorry that this is more like a book....But im not worried...no ones reads :)